disabilities

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• • November 8, 2011 at 4:46 pm #23650
    Anonymous

    Inactive

    Do you have a 3-5 year old that is entering the world of
    childhood socialization? Has a teacher or friend u2018mentionedu2019 your child seems
    u2018really active!?u2019 The words ADD, ADHD, Autism, Asperger’s, childhood disintegrative disorder , Rett Syndrome, Pervasive developmental
    disorder? As a parent these terms are a direct hit to a place in our heart and soul we were not aware we had. It causes fear, what ifs. What if something is u2018wrongu2019 with my child? What if he has to be in a special program? And the best one, what is itu2019s my fault?

    It can be said everything perfect and everything not perfect
    is our fault. I have a friend who says, u201cNo matter what you do, someday theyu2019re
    going to wind up on the u2018couchu2019 and itu2019s going to be our fault. Just do the best
    you canu201d.

    Statically children today do seem to have more learning
    disorders, but do they really? Until the early 1900u2019s there was no distinction
    made between people with learning disabilities and mental illness, they were all
    lumped into the same category, being labeled a lunatic. Lunatic being a person
    whou2019s behavior is disruptive, eccentric or reckless. Climate change began in
    the early 1900s labeling this group of people as u2018Mental
    defectiveu2019 and u2018mental deficiencyu2019 (not much of an improvement) until the 1950s.
    It is also important to note as recent as the 1960s parents were encouraged to
    institutionalize these children at birth, reasoning being they could never
    develop to a point where they would be anything but a burden and embarrassment
    to their families. A well researched case was Rose u201cRosemaryu201d Kennedy, born in
    1918 during the Spanish Flu epidemic, Rosemary appeared normal, but she was
    described by family members as u201cpainfully slowu201d.

    Rosemary was also described as a happy child
    always looking for praise (what child isnu2019t?), as she grew older she became more
    willful, something not tolerated by her father Joseph Kennedy. To Joseph Kennedy
    appearance coexisted with success, as ambassador to the court of St. James u2013 the most important diplomatic post at
    the time. The family relocated to London, as ambassador the moved in the highest
    circles with British aristocracy and royalty. The daughters spent hours
    practicing being u201cpresentedu201d to the King and Queen (I would too!), Rosemary
    stayed up nights practicing her curtseying, backing out of the room (one cannot
    present their back to the Queen). Rosemary did beautifully until the last second
    when she tripped almost falling. The Queen of course was graciousness itself,
    smiling and acting as if noting had happened, not a person in court even
    whispered a negative comment, I the Queen said something didnu2019t happen and you
    like being with the you followed her lead.

    To Joe this magnified Rosemary as a liability to her family,
    mainly her brothers. Joe placed her in a convent (nicer than an asylum), but
    Rosemary quickly devised a way to escape. Joeu2019s biggest fear was pregnancy and
    disgrace, in his mind it would destroy the family’s future. Joe began consulting
    with a physician from George Washington University, Walter Freeman (a well known
    quack, not respected by other doctors) he offered Joe hope. A simple
    experimental medical procedure, a pre-frontal lobotomy. Freeman said the worst
    side effect would be a partially shaved head, hair would grow back!

    Rosemaryu2019s sisters did research and were against the
    procedure, reporter friends of Kathleen told her that the results were not good,
    it was as if the person was u201cjust goneu201d. Some historians believe this is what
    Joe really wanted, without his wife’s approval or consent (not that he legally
    needed it) Joe had the procedure performed on Rosemary. During the procedure,
    done under Novocain, Rosemary was asked to sing songs and do simple arithmetic,
    Freeman kept digging into her brain until she could not answer any questions,
    for all intent and purpose Rosemary Kennedy died that day. Her body may have
    continued to live, but the person was gone. She regressed to an infant like
    state, wheel chair bound.

    Iu2019m sure many of you are wondering what does this story have
    to do with ADD, ADHD, Autism, Asperger’s, childhood disintegrative
    disorder , Rett
    Syndrome, Pervasive developmental
    disorder? What doesnu2019t it have to do with
    these diagnosis. We are all somewhere on the u2018spectrumu2019 whou2019s to say that
    Asperger’s is not how we are all actually intended to be? So much of how we
    behave is an effort to be accepted by our friends, to have our family and friend
    approve of our children. We want u2018good reportsu2019 at school and play group, my
    child is so well behaved………oh yeah except when he grows up to be a
    serial killer.

    The point of this post is to challenge all the parents on this
    board, ask yourself, what do you want of and for your children and why. If my
    child hits another child, itu2019s not a reflection of me or of my child, it was a
    poor choice and should be dealt with as such. What we should all want for our
    children is, get ready for it, itu2019s crazy, for them to be happy. Thatu2019s it, the
    big secret! I want my children to have a better life than Iu2019ve had, that doesnu2019t
    mean a better car or bigger house. I took care of both my grandparents when they
    were dying and neither of them complained they wished their house had been
    bigger, their car more luxurious. They wanted more time, a day, a week, a few
    minutes. Hold my hand, tell me you love me, I love you so much. I wish I had
    taken more time to spend with you, whou2019s you favorite author, why? These aren’t
    the questions for the end. God forbid you child colors on your wall, donu2019t yell,
    sit down and ask why they did it, their answer may surprise you, make you laugh,
    make you cry, yes, youu2019ll still have to paint over the crayon, but the reason
    matters, your children matter, you matter. To bring anything else to the game of
    parenthood means maybe you shouldnu2019t have played the game. I have asthma, had TB as a child, dyslexia and ADD my parents
    struggled, but I think they did okay.
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